My heart is heavy this morning.  A little girl that was born to missionaries to Thailand was born at the end of September 09.  Her name was Olive Hope and she was premature with many complications.  Then started the long line of hospitals and doctors, eventually making it to South Bend, IN, to be cared for at the end of the year.  Her parents thought they were going to bury her 2 different times.  But that little girl kept fighting.  She kept breathing when they thought she would stop.  Her parents, Rusty and Lynette (rustylynette.blogspot.com) have shown tremendous strength, admitting their low times, trust in God, and appreciation for support.  Living in a different country, especially with children, I identified with them being so far from family and wondered what we would do in a similar circumstance.  The truth is, you never know.  Lynette admits that she will have alot of questions to ask Jesus when she meets him.  They were able to spend the last few weeks of Olive's life with their families and surrounded by friends and family, although even in Thailand they had people surrounding them as well.  So for the last 4 months, their complete beings have been to save this little life that they created.  Their plans had to be put on hold, their desires they completely gave up depending what the needs would be for their child.  Little Olive had so many tubes, multiple surgeries, and finally infection set in and she couldn't fight that anymore.  Last night, she met Jesus. 

Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.  They were in great need before the earthquake, and now, millions of dollars are pouring in to help the country and its people.  Although, it seems that relief is slow and not very organized, people are going to help at the drop of a hat.  I think it is amazing to see the world come together to help their neighbor in need...but weren't they in need before?  Living in Nicaragua, we saw more poverty than we do here.  Lyndon works in a slum where mostly Nicaraguans live as squatters.  So, when we go down there, it feels a little like we are stepping into Nicaragua.  We saw what hand-outs did to pastors and their communities.  Strife and jealousy were sown over a period of time and wants become known as needs.  So we are very cautious about humanitarian aid here.  We don't want the same thing to happen.  We have also read several books written by nationals of poor countries that say, "Westerners, your money is hurting us, not helping us."  So how is the correct way to give and help? We continue to struggle with that and endeavor to give a hand up, not a hand out.  But there is a fine line.  Haiti needs a hand out right now with so many people in need of the basics of every day life.  But then what?  I just read an article the other day that the doctors have to start amputating legs and arms if they want their patients to live.  One mother told the doctor to just let her 5-year-old die because to live in Haiti as an amputee is worse than death, some may think.  There are no prosthetic, so, basically you are not worth much to soceity.  You'll just be a beggar in the streets.  Some people may think, "How could a mother say that?"  But you know...through some of my experiences, I understand her thought process.  She is wishing for a better life for her child because she knows the difficulty that she will face if she is an amputee. 

I am reading the book again called The Heavenly Man. It is about a man from China that was persecuted for the sake of Christ.  Beaten, imprisoned, spat at, made fun of, paraded to be shamed, you name it.  It was during the time that China was a closed country and the house churches grew like wild fire, except that their leaders were hunted with dogs.  They were considered a threat to the Communist government.  I have thought so many times reading those pages...man, what would I do?  One lady did not deny Christ, and consequently lost her children for 23 years and when she was released wanting nothing to do with her because the government had told them she loved this Christ more than them and she abandoned them.  If someone would take away my Karis and my Jeremy...could I look them in the eye and tell them, "Sure, go ahead, I love my Jesus more!"  Would I let someone put a needle under fingernail on each hand and still not deny my Christ?  Would I thank them after they beat me mercilessly and say, "Thank you for that massage."  Sometimes I think I love and serve Jesus...but then when I hear how far he asked our devotion to go...if I had experience that, what would I do for this life?

All of these things have been heavy on my mind lately.  I am not quite sure how to process them, or what my response is.  People are cursing God because "how could he let this happen to Haiti" and could do the same with Olive...why would he let her die when he save her already twice?  There is a valley....and why does God desire us to go through that valley?  What do we do when we are scared of the dark?  "Daddy!"  We cry out to Him, we lean on Him, we ask for His help.  How many times do we go through the day and we could do it on our own strength?  We didn't His help for anything.  So sometimes, He takes us to a valley.  So we can reconnect with Him, so we can call on Him, so He can carry us again.  Obviously, some people curse God when they are in the valley wondered where God is...but when will we learn that He is reaching out His hand to carry us and not distant?

We read a devotional as a staff the other day that talked about Abraham and a time of silence from God for 13 years!  Can you imagine!  But Abraham was strengthened and disciplined through it...He was drawn closer to Him.  I don't think God allow hardships to come just to unbelievers or the backslidden.  He will bring those that are already close to Him, to an even deeper level.  To a deeper intimacy.  Am I ready for that challenge? 

I think that Christmas fell on the perfect day this year.  After Wednesday, we have just been together as a family, and now we still have a weekend!  How great!  Thursday, Christmas Eve, we went down to San Rafael to run some errands.  We really enjoy our little town.  It is just big enough to have everything you need, and small enough you can get to know people.  We had to go to the bank, then after Lyndon greeted the guard that he has made friends with, we went to Musmanni.  That is my favorite bakery.  They make flautas that are my favorite and we haven't had any since October!  I was about in withdrawal...so we got a snack there and then went to the park.  They have a nice little park and we hardly ever go, so it was nice to play with the kids.  Then we realized why we don't go very often!  Jeremy just wanted to climb over everything and all by himself.  In about 6 months, that activity will be alot more fun and relaxing.  We came back to the house after a few more stops.  Jeremy had a fever the night before, and he fell asleep in the car on the way back up, but popped right up when we got home.  So Lyndon got the tina (what they bathe in) out and filled it up with water and they played and played outside.  I was making pumpkin cheesecake and could so them outside the window and it was such a joy to see Jeremy and Karis playing together.  Karis led Jeremy to a flowerbed and quickly made mud with the water from the tina, and proceeded to rub it on his back.  First it was a finger, then it was a hand, then she just rubbed all of his back and arms.  I had to stop her when she moved to his head.  Lyndon used the machete and cut down our grass outside our wall in front of our property.  They had baths and a nap, and we had a peaceful afternoon.  Jeremy woke up around 4pm with a fever again...so we had to call and cancel with Erick and Cristina.  They had invited us to go to her parents for Christmas Eve.  We were pretty disappointed that we couldn't go.  But we weren't supposed to go until 7pm (most people eat at midnight, but it wouldn't have been that late, but later than normal) and Jeremy was in bed by 8pm, so I was glad then that he could rest.  He is slowly improving.  So we spent some more time together with their new train set and princess thing...those little beads that you put together and then iron them?  We opened presents on Wed night because we thought we wouldn't be together any other night...but then we were!

Christmas morning was nice and slow.  I slept until 9am...Jeremy was sleeping again on the couch when I got up.  He fell asleep in Lyndon's arms, poor little guy.  Then we got ready to go to the base for Christmas lunch with the staff.  DeLynn, Gloria, Carmelinda, Dan, Nate, and Raul.  We had a nice spread that we all helped cook and had a nice afternoon together.  Later this afternoon, we took some food to one of our employees and sang a few Christmas carols.  His wife said to Gloria as we were leaving, "Now he is going to go inside and cry."  He was really touched by our visit.
It was nice to hear what so many other people were doing on facebook.  We miss our family during this time, but were thankful for the people that we could spend it with.  It was strange to celebrate without cold weather...but, personally, I could get used to it!  Lyndon misses it more than I do, but I am a tropical girl if I can help it!  I hope you all enjoyed a special time together as family and remembered the true meaning of why we celebrate this day. 
DeLynn and Carmelinda went down to the park yesterday to ask people the meaning of Christmas.  Two out of 10 people said something about Jesus' birth.  One boy even said, "Present!  Without presents, Christmas would be ruined!"  I pray that we can bring our children up received gifts without thinking that is all there is to it...
Karis was been singing "Feliz Navidad" and "Away in the Manger" for the last half an hour...sweet music!